NO Conflict is an Island

I love the poem by John Dunne, ‘No Man is an Island’ (1624). The first stanza says this:

No man is an island,

Entire of itself;

Every man is a piece of the continent,

A part of the main.

The poem in its entirety seems to be a commentary on death and the interconnectedness of humanity. When I am brought in to mediate a workplace dispute between colleagues, I often have the phrase in my mind, directly inspired by the above poem, ‘No conflict is an island’.

What happens to a few individuals affects the team and the wider organisation. And, most issues are not instantaneously ignited – there is often a build-up, and multiple factors will have influenced the interaction happening as it did.

As an example, colleagues may be working on a project together and end up arguing. Yes, it maybe that the biggest contributor to the dispute is miscommunication, but what led to that?

a)     What is the history of their relationship or with that type of task?

b)     What reputation does each of them have that may have influenced their perspective? What have they seen – or, what have people told them - about the other person?

c)     What other elements are involved in the project… timescales, task management, changes, client input, management direction, mistakes, commercial factors, organisational change, differing priorities, etc.? How might this have affected the interaction?

d)     What other responsibilities do they bear at work? What mental, physical or emotional capacity do they believe they have?

e)     What other elements are impacting the individuals? What is happening with their family or social circle? How is their home life? Other influencing factors might include health or finance concerns, or concerns about loved ones.

f)       What has their experience of conflict been – from childhood or as an adult?

There is so much that could have a part to play in the scenario that ends up happening. It is only the extremely rare case that involves two unkind people who ‘need their heads banging together’ – don’t get me started on that phrase!

When conflict happens, it is not taking place on an island, unaffected by what is happening on the 'mainland' – whether that involves home circumstances, work life, or a mixture of the two. Also, consider the unique frames of reference each person relies on – often subconsciously - that influence their perception of the other person and their behaviour.

I am regularly reminded of the particular influence line managers have on the escalation or effective and speedy resolution of an issue. I have lost count of how many times the action or inaction of a manager has resulted in an added complexity or the breakdown in relationship being unnecessarily sustained. Thankfully, I have also seen the positive impact of a line manager or senior leader in tackling issues or bringing the situation to me before escalation happens.

And, just as the build-up to a dispute or fall-out involves many external factors, the conflict similarly has an impact on other people and elements outside of the core dispute.

People know.

Colleagues can spot when there is friction happening between people – unless the individuals are incredibly intentional in their behaviours and self-aware, and all matters have occurred privately. Family members can sense tension between couples, and friends notice a change in communication.

They may not always know why it is happening or feel it is their place to ask questions, but people know.

As soon as other people know, it affects how they interact with the individuals concerned and their perception of an event – “Clearly, A doesn’t like B, and that is why they said ‘no’ to their request”. The narrative from this perception can start with pockets of assumption and gossip but easily develops into misinformation being communicated as fact.

Clients are impacted by the conflict too. They may not see the interactions day-to-day (though in some industries, they might!), but the natural consequence of conflict between colleagues leads to a difference in how they communicate, work with each other, and it often becomes a distraction from tasks, productivity, and a positive team atmosphere.

From my experience, people with ongoing frustrations tend to:

• Avoid the other person.
• This often creates challenges for typical working arrangements – impacting both the colleagues involved in the process and the productivity levels or standards.
• Look out for the negatives and minimise the positives of the individual.
• This clearly skews the feedback they give and develops an even more negative narrative of the person and the situation.
• Feel ‘stuck’ in the situation.
• This belief inevitably impacts their overall mindset about their work and abilities – either acting more impulsively or with undue caution.
• Have a lower capacity for stress (because capacity is already taken due to the situation)
• This affects how they perform, manage tasks, and tackle challenges or change.
• Feel differently about the organisation.
• Depending on how proactive, supportive and wisely an organisation acts, the individuals involved will either feel more engaged with the organisation OR develop feelings of frustration, hurt, or betrayal even.

The latter consequence of ongoing conflict without effective resolution is unfortunately the one that many organisations do not anticipate. Sometimes, I will mediate in a situation where the parties are able to move forward in their relationship, but they are left with very negative feelings towards their employer due to perhaps perceived delays, inaction, or mishandling of the situation.

I find it incredibly refreshing and encouraging when I am engaged by an organisation who proactively seeks out any feedback from the parties or my insight from the process – within the constraints of the mediation confidentiality principle – so they feel better equipped to support the individuals and reduce the likelihood of unnecessary conflict or escalation arising again.

Whether people are experiencing seemingly minor communication issues or total relationship breakdown, there is a knock-on effect. Before falling into the false belief that it happened on its own or is not affecting anyone but them, remember, that ‘No conflict is an island’.

Do you have a situation developing in your workplace, but you are not sure which solution is required, book a Consultation Call to discuss the situation and explore which option/s are right for your unique situation. Or you can enquire by emailing enquiries@mosaicmediation.co.uk .