The 5 Appreciation Languages (at work)

🌟Appreciation Language 1 = ACTS OF SERVICE

This is a formal way of saying that someone will feel more appreciated by another person doing something helpful for them or with them. If this is how you or a colleague feel cared for or appreciated, it is also likely that you are the 'helpful one' in the team - doing the tea round, assisting with an issue, offering a lift when someone is stuck for transport, etc.

📣Key message: "Help me"

*Note: ensure that if you offer help, it is of the type and benefit that they actually want.

⚠️ Key frustrations: Others not helping out, not noticing when things need to be done, or doing it in a way that creates more work.

🌟 Appreciation Language 2 = WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

Who likes being told nice things about themselves? ✋🏼Most people would do, however...

🗩 'Words of affirmation' (or 'appreciation') - if that is one of your 1 or 2 *key* love languages - mean just a little bit more than a warm and fuzzy feeling.

If this is one of your love languages, not only do compliments, positive feedback on your performance and affirmative conversations really make you feel appreciated and valued - but also the ABSENCE of them will be particularly painful for you.

📣Key message: "Tell me nicely"

Most people like to hear nice things about themselves, but it definitely will have a different level of significance if 'words of affirmation' is your love language.

⚠️Key frustrations: verbal criticisms, a lack of verbal praise or acknowledgement, affirmations which lack sincerity, and not feeling listened to.

Note: someone for whom this is their love language will also likely show their frustration/anger/upset through their words.

🌟 Appreciation Language 3 - GIFTS!

If GIFTS are a primary love language (or 'appreciation language') for you or a colleague, then someone giving a tangible object that represents appreciation and value is huge!

It is also worth noting here, that the financial value of an object is rarely a key aspect of whether the gift will be appreciated. A gift could be a cheque, or it could be a bottle of drink, a cupcake, or even just a nice note.

What makes a real difference to someone with this 'appreciation language' is what it says about what you think of them, or know about them.

📣Key message "Get me something"

The thought really counts!

⚠️Key frustrations: getting something that doesn't relate to them at all, someone disrespecting their stuff, or someone else not appreciating the gift that they have given them.

🌟Appreciation Language 4 - QUALITY TIME 

My eldest daughter is an excellent street dancer - she has rhythm in her bones! At the weekend, I was with her and her dance school at her street dance competition.

Why, do I mention this? Because, these competitions are one way of meeting one of her love languages... quality time. We create memories, I provide her with encouragement and we have fun.

So HOW do you apply this to the workplace?

Some people at your organisation will - above a bonus or praise - appreciate moments of 'togetherness'.

Moments that create memories and instil a feeling of being part of a team, of fun and security.

📣Key message: Make positive memories together

This could be a team day out, or it could simply be a genuine conversation. Perhaps a shared laugh or a group project.

⚠️Key frustrations: no/limited opportunity to socialise; negative experiences; people not listening to them or rushing interactions.

Appreciation Language 5 - PHYSICAL TOUCH

⚠️Proceed with caution!⚠️

Without a doubt, there are lots of layers and potentially negative consequences if this appreciation language is not handled with caution and thought.

👉🏼There are important boundaries to be aware of:

- legal boundaries 

- common sense boundaries

- unique-to-the-individual personal space boundaries

Even if someone's appreciation language is physical touch, that does 🔹NOT🔹 necessarily mean that they are OK with being touched... or being touched by you or other colleagues.

🤔So, how on earth do you navigate demonstrating appreciation to someone, when 'physical touch' resonates with them most, without potentially causing offence or implicating yourself?

As someone who, as a mediator with a background in law, will not give legal advice... here is some work-relationship advice to remember:

1. Communication is key - how well do you know them and their boundaries? What have they communicated? What have they NOT communicated?

2. Professionalism is mandatory! What is an objectively respectful and reasonable approach?

3. You do not have to physically touch someone whose appreciation language is 'physical touch' to help them feel appreciated...

📣Key message: express that you care

Though someone MAY appreciate a pat on the back, a handshake, or even a hug, with colleagues in the workplace, they may instead prefer body language which demonstrates a positive intention or feeling.

Because, someone who appreciates physical touch is highly likely to be more aware of your body language - a smile, a friendly gesture, the 'virtual hug/high five' gesture, or open body language in a conversation or meeting. 

⚠️Key frustrations: closed/exclusive/aggressive body language, not respecting personal boundaries, ambiguous or negative facial expressions.

***If in doubt, remember that most people have a primary and a secondary appreciation language. If you have a colleague/team member with physical touch as the primary, you can always focus on the secondary appreciation language instead.***