First Impressions - Lasting Impressions?

“The world would be a better place if even a fraction of us became the kinds of people we have deceived others into believing we are.” ― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Meeting someone for the first time can be a bit like an interview process – you only have a few moments to make a good ‘first impression’. Often subconsciously, we make a snap judgment about a person within those first few moments of meeting them; about their appearance and personality traits we perceive them to have, or not have. What people tend not to be consciously aware of is the long-lasting impact these first impressions may have in shaping their interactions and feelings towards the other person.

Generally, making these snap judgments is helpful. It is natural for human beings to assess whether another person is a ‘threat’ very quickly during their first encounter. Sometimes, the judgment will be accurate and, though it would not fully capture the many layers to a person, it can alert us to any potential ‘red flags’.

The risk to relationships lies in remaining oblivious to the judgments we are making , and also the way such judgments may bias our interactions and relationships with people. There could be one of many reasons for an individual to have a ‘bad’ first impression of someone, including:

·The person’s behaviour seeming rude or negative in some other way

·The person having had a ‘bad day’ – so they are less able to be cheerful, positive or gracious

·Having a ‘bad day’ ourselves – so our negative frame of mind predisposes us to perceive interactions with other people more negatively

·Misunderstandings – often due to not knowing the other person enough to clarify miscommunication or understand their real intentions

·Minor or major trauma from previous relationships – which is highly likely to prejudice new relationships

“Two things remain irretrievable: time and a first impression” – Cynthia Ozick

As I have alluded to already, the reason that first impressions can be so significant is because of the potential for them to have such an impact on a relationship. A concept about first impressions is called the ‘halo effect’, which suggests that when we initially observe that someone possesses positive/negative qualities in a certain area, we might subconsciously also assume that they therefore possess positive/negative qualities in a related area. For example, if a salesperson greets you in a warm and friendly way, you may perceive their social ability also extends to their to them being trustworthy. The same concept can be applied to a negative first impression – i.e. if your perception of a person is that their appearance is dishevelled and untidy, the ‘halo effect’ might be assuming that they are not very organised in their job.

The effect of a first impression doesn’t end with your thought process. Just as we dissect and process what we observe about another person; when we interact with them and have made a judgment about them, so they will also be dissecting and processing our behaviour. So often, a bad first impression may lead to a frosty interaction, which then invites a negative response, which then provides ‘behavioural confirmation’ about the initial first impression; generating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If, instead, a person acknowledges the potential for their first impression to shape their interactions, it may help them to override any ‘negative’ behaviour they would otherwise exhibit, and then the response from the other person could well prove their initial impression to be inaccurate. Thus, prohibiting inaccurate behavioural confirmation. So often a negative first impression of someone overshadows how they think of that person, even if they begin to notice other positive traits about them.

First impressions can have the power to stop a relationship or tarnish one before it has even begun. However, if you speak to any two people who have had a relationship lasting decades or more – whether it be friendship or romantic – a common thread is that they admit to having had ‘ups and downs’ throughout that time. The same would likewise apply to work relationships – sometimes getting on with a colleague whereas, at other times, clashing with them. It is helpful to appreciate that no relationship is rosy all the time – whether it be at the very beginning or at different points over a longer period. Not allowing negative first impressions - or snapshots of negative behaviour during the relationship – to overshadow or negatively influence your interactions or shape your relationship entirely, could provide the basis for a potentially great relationship.

Equally, it would be helpful to remember the long-lasting effect of a first impression and how someone’s initial perceptions of you may be shaping their interactions with you or their opinion of your abilities. Creating a positive first impression will provide a good footing for developing positive relationships with others - even better if you are also able to demonstrate consistency in positive character traits. Are you aware of how other people respond to you?

Nevertheless, if you have clearly not made a ‘good’ first impression, remember that how you respond to their interactions with you could have the potential to either correct inaccurate perceptions, or otherwise to provide behavioural confirmation. Could any of the reasons for creating a bad first impression (as above) be present in your situation? “One never gets a chance to make a first impression. But remember that the first impression is not the last chance to make a good impression.” (Unknown)

If you know of a situation where colleagues are in conflict and they seem unable to take positive steps to diffuse the situation, or if you want to know more about how workplace mediation or communication training could benefit your workplace, please get in contact. You can email emma.jenking@mosaicmediation.co.uk or get in contact via the Contact page on our website.