Myth-Busting Mediation

Emma Jenkings • 8 December 2021

What is mediation? What is mediation not?

What do you know about mediation? Are you sure that belief is factual? The reason, I ask is because I regularly hear statements about mediation that are just factually inaccurate, so hopefully, this article will be able to ‘bust’ any remaining myths about mediation…

Firstly, what is mediation? It is a process that involves a conversation between people who want to resolve an issue or find a solution to a problem, and a neutral facilitator (the mediator). Mediation comes in many forms – in person, online, in one room, in separate rooms, or a mixture.

What are the main types of mediation?

· Family mediation - generally resolving financial, housing or parental responsibilities after separation or divorce

· Workplace and employment mediation - resolving employee relations issues, personality disputes, or any issue which involves a company and someone who works for them (or is leaving them)

· Civil mediation - resolving matters which might others end up in small claims court

· Commercial mediation - resolving complex business matters

· Community mediation – resolving issues that have arisen amongst neighbours or communities – i.e. noise disruption disputes, antisocial behaviour issues, etc.

I specialise in workplace and employment mediation. My reason for zoning in on this area is because of my education in UK law and my experience of working at the Employment Tribunal. It is also an area of mediation that is often very focussed on relationships – even if at the beginning the issues appear to be task or process-based.

Let’s bust some myths!

Myth ONE: 💥 ”Mediation never works!” 💥

Starting with the facts:

1. The average settlement rate across all types of mediation is between 80-90%. For workplace mediation, it is around 85-90% settlement rate.

2. The 'written agreement' is only PART of mediation. The process alone can be healing, insightful, cathartic, and beneficial. (Even if they don't come out with a written agreement!)

3. Some of the benefits happen AFTER the mediation. Occasionally, people need time to process the day and what was said and then can take steps to move forward.

👉🏼Mediation does occasionally not end in a positive outcome, and that is frustrating. People need to be open to hearing a different perspective and getting into a problem-solving, collaborative mindset. That doesn't always happen, and there can be other obstacles to getting to a mutual resolution as well. (Note: that does NOT have to be the end of the process)

Where improving the relationship was an aim of the mediation, the process should be viewed as a new foundation. Not the conclusion. New habits and mindset changes take time to embed.

For mediations where the mutually agreed outcome is someone leaving the organisation, the process can ensure that they 'leave well'.

👉🏼A good result does not always have to involve everyone staying. That may not be the most beneficial outcome for everyone.

👉🏼One thing to also bear in mind is that mediation is a great tool for conflict resolution and at times benefits from additional complimentary support to follow on from the session - such as training, or coaching, or advisory support for management.

I have seen transformative outcomes for individuals that happen alongside the positive outcome for the issue/relationship.

One of my most treasured is this one from a party to a very complex mediation:

✨“I felt so low about everything and now I am enjoying life. I have learned so much about myself and other people. I now have hope!"✨

👊🏼 So, myth = busted! Mediation does work... VERY often. And, when it does, the results can be extremely impactful.

Myth TWO: 💥"You are meant to become FRIENDS"💥

Yes, sometimes a mediation works so well at clarifying assumptions, parties becoming self-aware, and their true intentions becoming apparent, that people do go on to forming a new friendship - or revitalising a friendship that had been damaged.

HOWEVER, unless that is a desire of the parties, it is not the core aim of mediation.

👉Conflict may be resolved AND you still don't want to go for a coffee with the other person.

👉Conflict may be resolved AND you still don't even like that person (but you do feel able to interact positively with them)!

👉Conflict may be resolved AND it will clearly still take some time to re-build trust.

Many of the mediations that I facilitate are dealing with communication or the relationship itself, so that will be a key element to address during the session. Yet, there are no expectations or pressure put on parties developing a relationship beyond what is comfortable.

In fact, a proportion of mediations that I facilitate have been around *parting ways* - so in that instance, there is no expectation of any future relationship at all! The reason they chose to mediate was that they wanted the working relationship between them - or on behalf of the organisation - to end well.

👊 So, myth = busted! Friendship is not an expectation - it is just an added bonus if that is a natural consequence of the day.

Myth THREE: 💥 "Mediation is only for resolving arguments"💥

▶It may have been triggered by a grievance.

▶ It may have been recommended after a public argument.

▶It may have been highlighted by a client noticing recurring issues.

▶It may have been suggested as a way to talk through a largely non-emotive topic with someone neutral facilitating.

▶It may have begun when the employee showed hesitation at returning to work - or even discussing it without someone external being there to support both sides.

👉🏼Mediation is not just for arguments 💥.

👉🏼And, it is not just for people who dislike each other, or find it difficult to communicate with each other.

Sometimes, mediation is a safe space when an individual is feeling vulnerable about discussing future options.

Mediation is a bit of a 'bubble' for discussions and options and solutions to be put forward and explored without ramifications or being held to them - until everything is agreed and formalised at the end.

👉🏼Remember that conflict comes in many forms but the essence is that there is a difference (in approach, opinion, communication, methodology, experiences, or concerns).

There is no pre-requisite for negative feelings towards the other person. Nor does the situation need to be explosive or fractured.

✨Mediation is like a 'Conversation+' that provides a solid foundation and system to help you speak, listen and understand.

👊🏼So, myth = BUSTED! Mediation is NOT only for resolving arguments.

Myth FOUR: 💥 “The mediator tells them what to do” 💥

I recently was one of the training facilitators training a group of staff members to become internal mediators. When assessing each trainee mediator, one of the key elements was ensuring that the mediator did not push parties towards a solution.

👉🏼What all effective mediators recognise is that NOT being the one to solve the problem, means the parties do. Then, they take ownership of that solution and are more likely to stick to any action they have agreed to take.

👉🏼 What all effective mediators also recognise is the absolute necessity of not taking sides, not apportioning blame, and not allowing someone to agree to a solution which they may regret doing later.

Mediation aims to help parties explore options and decide on a mutually agreeable outcome. There are so many benefits to them doing so, that it would be an ‘own goal’ for a mediator to try and push a solution.

No one knows an organisation better than the people who work there – so they will know potential obstacles to a solution working.

No one knows themselves and their needs better than the individual – so it is not for a mediator to tell them what they think, feel or need.

It is certainly a challenge as a mediator to be in a mediation session with parties who cannot see a solution that is right in front of them, and not lead them to it prematurely. Having been mediating for several years now though, what I have come to appreciate more and more is that people can problem-solve, if they are given the support.

Also, that the more you trust the mediation process to work, the more it does work!

👊 So, myth = busted! A mediator does not ‘tell parties what to do’ – because they know that would likely be very unhelpful in achieving a long-lasting positive solution.

Myth FIVE: 💥 “Mediation is digging up the past” 💥

I must start by saying that the past will probably be discussed in mediation.

However, this is only done for a purpose and is not going to be the focus of the day.

Why is discussing the past important? Because a mediator recognises how much the ‘history’ of an issue, a relationship or a pattern of communicating will influence the likelihood of conflict recurring if it is not addressed.

That being said, mediation parties are only encouraged to share or discuss topics that they are willing to share or discuss.

Sometimes, it is important to discuss the past because it is past assumptions or misunderstandings which have played a vital role in the relationship or communication breakdown.

Then, when the past has played its part, the focus moves to the now and the future. No mediator wants to go round in circles about what happened in the past. A mediator will want to help parties move towards problem-solving. In fact, if someone keeps bringing up the past beyond the point that it is helpful, a mediator will probably graciously challenge them about whether this approach is beneficial anymore.

👊 So, myth = busted! Though the past is often a necessary discussion point, it is not going to be the sole focus of the day and certainly not beyond what will support getting to a positive outcome.

For more articles on mediation, communication or conflict resolution, CLICK HERE.

Emma Jenkings is an experienced workplace and employment mediator, conflict coach, DISC practitioner and trainer for businesses on communication, people skills, conflict, and assertiveness.

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Difficult Conversations: Should you rehearse first?

by Emma Jenkings • 2 September 2026

We hear it all the time... "the younger generations won't speak on the phone" . (Although, in fairness, I know many an adult across different generations who also avoid phone conversations if they possibly can.) With teenagers of my own, I have thought about this and how far I want to push them to do something that feels uncomfortable. As a SEND mediator, in addition to my workplace mediation practice, I am also very aware that for many young people, the aversion to telephone calls goes beyond slight discomfort requiring upskilling or a confidence boost. I see the benefit of 'live' conversations though. That, unlike with messaging or emails, the speaker has a greater opportunity to convey their intentions and feelings using their tone of voice - body language adds to the communication if involving a videocall or in-person conversation. In my mediator role, I so frequently see small misunderstandings take place that lead to big issues, so anything which lessens the likelihood of that is a positive in my book. Telephone calls are like difficult conversations - people just don't want to have them! Difficult conversations are often avoided because people don't like tension. But, another reason difficult conversations are avoided, just as with telephone calls, is because people are not sure what they will say. Someone may even have tried to hold a tricky yet essential conversation in the past but got thrown off by an unexpected question or response from the other person. Then, this past experience makes them reluctant to go through a similar experience again. The tip I give out the most when people go through coaching due to wanting to be more confident and effective at holding difficult conversations is to prepare for it . Most people need some practice to feel confident on the phone. And in the majority of employed roles that involve a lot of telephone use, a company would provide a script so that any client receives a similar experience, regardless of which individual employee answers the phone. However, some might be concerned that a scripted conversation is likely to feel disingenuous. So, is there anything wrong with rehearsing a conversation beforehand? The last few months, I have done a lot of rehearsing! At the end of this week, I will be delivering my first TedX talk and one of the big challenges with speaking at a 🔴TedX event is to deliver the message without any notes. So, I have been memorising and memorising constantly. At one point, I had done really well at remembering the lines but realised that it sounded 'wooden' and unnatural. I had to take a moment to remember the purpose of what I was saying and how I felt when I first wrote the talk. There is a need - as with many scenarios - to strike a balance between seeming sincere whilst being prepared for a difficult conversation. Depending on the complexity of the conversation, you may find it helpful to prepare in greater detail for that conversation. (You can make use of this planning sheet as a resource . ) There are a few simple principles to consider when preparing for a conversation, so that it comes across as genuine and prepared: Work your way backwards - Take time before the conversation to consider what you want the other person to have heard when they leave. And, what do you want them to do with what they heard? Consider the where, when and how - Timing and context matters. Try to hold a sensitive conversation in a busy place and in a rush and you are unlikely to get a measured response. Have something 'up your sleeve' - Consider a few phrases that you can use during the conversation if you need to pause and process, or if you don't have an answer to a question they ask. This is also potentially helpful if you are going into a conversation with someone who has a particularly authoritative or aggressive communication style; meaning you may need to set boundaries. It is really beneficial to feel confident and clear - and also be genuine - when entering a potentially awkward or difficult conversation. Rehearsal for different outcomes can certainly help with that, especially if you can do that with a someone experienced with navigating such interactions. Simply working through the above three principles means you are likely to feel more prepared regarding what you would like to say, but also how to navigate the conversation when the other person responds too. If you would like coaching support to become a more effective communicator or to manage conflict with confidence, send Mosaic Mediation a message . Emma Jenkings is an accredited mediator, conflict and Peaceful Leadership coach, DISC practitioner, and mediator mentor. You can email any questions or queries to enquiries@mosaicmediation.co.uk .

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