The Power of Yet

My eldest daughter is one of those people who tend to have the ability to learn a process, understand a theory, or pick up a skill without a ton of difficulty.

This has obviously been a real benefit to her in life. (She is also a very conscientious learner, which helps too.) However, what this has meant, is that the thing she has had to work the hardest at is developing her mental resilience around those skills that have not been so easy.

She is so used to skipping her way towards competence that the struggle and challenge of ‘failing forwards’ is less familiar to her. So, not being able to grasp the skill…YET is something we talk about a lot.

I could now refer to the 10,000 hours theory for mastering a skill. Or, I could discuss the four stages of the ‘Unconscious Competence Model’ regarding acquiring a skill.

Instead, I want to highlight and acknowledge the feelings that come up in that space between the desire and the outcome.

This ‘space’ can contain a whole bunch of feelings and thoughts:

-          Discomfort

-         Frustration

-         Self-doubt

-         Envy

-         Determination

-         Courage

-         Hope

When I discuss the impact of mediation, there is one element that I like to identify in terms of the importance of the mediator’s role, that BECAUSE we are not involved in the situation but have experienced reconciliation, resolution, and a rebuilding of trust, the parties can ‘borrow our hope’  when they are not ready to believe it for themselves.

And, what I will often say to parties who may be concerned about the other person’s intentions for mediation, is that saying ‘yes’ to the opportunity is already a good start. The alternative of saying ‘no’ to mediation means they either are happy to move forward without mediation, or they have no hope for mediation to produce a positive outcome.

Essentially, those who say ‘yes’ to the opportunity are more likely to believe in the power of ‘yet’.

At the beginning of a mediation process, most people are little cynical but that makes total sense to me. They are in that in-between space of having a desire that motivates them enough to accept the offer of mediation but they have not seen what mediation can achieve.

The ingredients for mediation are not even that complicated!

-         1 x person of a neutral, experienced mediator

-         2-3 x rooms that provide spaces for private and joint conversations

-         Many reassurances that the conversations are confidential and non-judgemental

-         A few reminders to navigate conversations peacefully and constructively

-         2 or more x participants willing to engage with the process

-         And a sprinkling of hope!

As a Formula One household, I consider the hours and months and years that go into a Formula One driver’s career, way before they step foot in an F1 car. The adults we see winning big trophies and spraying bottles of champagne across the podium stage were once young children who believed in the ‘power of yet’ (with a lot of backing from their families!) – even through crashes, losses, and disappointments.

Without the ‘power of yet’, people might fall for the belief that circumstances can never change, or that individuals cannot correct the course of their behaviour.

I understand why so many find it difficult to hope for the best when it relates to human behaviour. We have all experienced difficulties in relationships and have seen the damage that human beings can cause others.

However, the courage that it takes to accept the offer to listen, share your unique perspective, and try to find a way forward is much more likely to result in a positive outcome than not allowing for the possibility of it.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.” – Henry Ford

Get in touch with Mosaic Mediation to discuss your workplace relationships and explore whether  coaching,  training, or  mediation (or a combined approach) would be suitable for your situation.  Emma Jenkings, founder of Mosaic Mediation, is an accredited workplace mediator, SEND mediator, DISC practitioner, conflict coach, mediator mentor, and interpersonal skills trainer. Enquire by emailing  enquiries@mosaicmediation.co.uk or going to the  ‘Contact’ page.