Making Peace vs. Keeping Peace

When dealing with conflict, the main principle is simple – deal with the conflict . If someone is described as a ‘peacemaker’, it usually infers that they are quite passive in conflict or that they tend to brush over issues, rather than deal with them. However, this description more closely describes a ‘peacekeeper’.

Typical characteristics of someone who is a peacekeeper:
• They are likely to avoid conflict at all costs
• They are likely to put off dealing with issues – big or small
• They fear the possibility of not being liked or having difficult conversations
• They address the result of the conflict and not the cause

Of course, it is inevitable that issues being left will more than likely become bigger issues in the end, and therefore more difficult to work through, so these traits of a peacekeeper rarely keep the situation free of conflict .

Typical characteristics of someone who is a peacemaker:
• They are proactive in pursuing genuine peace
• They are prepared to have difficult conversations
• They seek reconciliation
• They have integrity and personal values about managing relationships
• They listen and seek to understand different perspectives

The net effect of being a peacemaker is that small issues either stay small or get resolved quickly, and they have honest and healthy relationships as a result. That is not to suggest that being a peacemaker also means you are free from conflict, conflict is part of life. However, it is more likely that whatever conflict occurs is short-lived and was necessary to work through issues.

“Avoiding conflict isn’t peace making. Avoiding conflict means running away from the mess while peace making means running into the middle of it. Peace making means addressing those issues that caused conflict in the first place.” Peggy Haymes, Author.

Workplaces have their fair share of tensions, frustrations, misunderstandings and assumptions between colleagues which may remain unresolved and therefore are more likely to have a negative impact on productivity and the ability to work effectively as a team. Aiming to keep the peace often comes from good intentions but it is short-sighted in its effectiveness to promote a genuinely positive and peaceful workplace environment. Sometimes a difficult conversation is needed to bring about peace and limit unnecessary conflict.

How to have difficult conversations as a peacemaker:
1. Check whether the issue will impact you, others or the workplace if not addressed.
• All difficult conversations have the potential to cause conflict so it is worth checking whether that conflict can be worked through and whether it is even necessary to bring it up as a concern.
2. Be clear on the actual issue being addressed and don’t confuse the conversation with other issues.
• It is easy to start talking about all the things that are frustrating or annoying you when addressing a concern, but this just tends to confuse the conversation and cause defensiveness, rather than productively work through an issue.
3. Focus on listening and understanding
• Going into any conversation whilst being aware that you may not have all the necessary information and that your opinion may not be the true reality of the situation, has the potential to extinguish hostility and reduce defensiveness.
4. Seek common ground
• Look for what you agree on and what your mutual interests are. When you focus on where you agree, it is easier to find reconciliation on points where you disagree.
5. Be open to taking responsibility for any part you have played in causing the concern
• Taking responsibility for yourself encourages others to take responsibility for their actions. It may not always turn out that way but taking responsibility will nevertheless be a positive thing.
6. Focus on the long-term gain and not on ‘winning’
• In any relationship, trying to win an argument will only create bigger barriers between people and will inhibit attempts to establish a peaceful environment.
7. Figure out how to be both honest and kind
• One of the traits of a peacekeeper is saying anything to keep the peace but that is short-sighted. A difficult conversation means being honest – but you can still be kind.

It is important to address concerns before they become big problems, so by having a difficult conversation promptly and using the tips above you are likely to reduce unnecessary conflict and limit any negative impact.

If there is conflict in the workplace and it has reached the point where you need a neutral third party to help work through the concerns, please get in contact by emailing emma.jenkings@mosaicmedation.co.uk or through the Contact page.