I Just Want Respect

I have mentioned before that where there is conflict the issues may be extremely varied but generally built on common themes; such as miscommunication, feeling hurt or feeling disrespected.

Feeling disrespected
We all expect to be treated with respect, particularly in the workplace. Unfortunately, whether it be due to demanding management, abusive customers or simply feeling unappreciated by colleagues, it is commonplace to feel disrespected at work.

When someone feels that they have been disrespected it triggers a sense of injustice and damages trust in a relationship. The difficult thing about respect is that so often it is subjective, as it depends on what a person’s perception of an interaction has been . This being the case, we may only be able to accurately predict what may upset or offend a person if we study them closely over a long period of time – which is inevitably unrealistic in a workplace environment where you only get to see snapshots of someone’s personality and sensitivities. Therefore, a natural conclusion to draw is that offending someone at some point is inevitable – even if the intention was respectful.

Unfortunately, a belief that such situations are unavoidable tends to stop people from reflecting on their own behaviour or seeking to understand other people’s intentions. Even though a person may have set themselves high standards for acceptable behaviour, more often than not, they will still judge someone else’s behaviour on the face of it, without considering any contributing factors, such as; a stressful home life, job pressures or even our own perceptions. A quote that can be found in a book by the author and businessman Stephen M.R. Covey ‘The Speed of Trust: The One Thing That Changes Everything’ says it best:
“We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behaviour.”

Seeking to understand other people’s intentions will not only lower the risk of misunderstandings but will also train us to bear in mind another person’s perceptions of our own behaviour. The importance of having a respectful workplace environment should not be underestimated. It reduces the potential for conflict and improve morale, which then prompts less absenteeism and a lower staff turnover. It also has been shown time and again that a positive environment leads to a more productive workplace. It is a ‘win-win’ situation for everyone – which we like in mediation!

Showing respect
Although some people may even have unrealistic expectations of how other people should show respect, we are not powerless to implement behaviours that lead to a respectful workplace environment . Though a person’s perception of respect is subjective and largely reflects their own experience of what ‘respect’ is, feeling respected tends to be about feeling recognised, appreciated and being treated considerately. When you bear this in mind during interactions with others, you are almost certainly going to come across respectfully.

Here are 10 ways to demonstrate respect:
1. Listen to advice/feedback given
“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” American author, Bryant H. McGill.
2. Consider personal and professional boundaries
If you are aware of a person’s sensitivities, you have the knowledge to avoid hurting or disrespecting them. It is equally prudent to acknowledge boundaries of professionalism in a workplace and the standards of behaviour that may be the most appropriate for different relationships or roles.
3. Give praise whenever appropriate
As I mentioned above, a person will often feel disrespected when they feel under-appreciated. This is a common issue amongst employees and worth tackling before it becomes a greater issue – especially when the solution is often easier.
4. Be aware of tone of voice and facial expressions
We know that during interactions with other people, what is being communicated is made up of words, tone of voice and body language. Even if the words being used are positive and polite, if our body language or tone of voice is projecting a different attitude or emotion, the words go unnoticed.
5. Be inclusive
Feeling excluded leads to defensiveness, distrust and having difficulty behaving as a team player – qualities which do not support a productive workplace. Be aware of how inclusive or exclusive you are with colleagues and staff members.
6. Treat colleagues or staff equally
In a similar vein to the issue of exclusivity, a sure way for someone to feel disrespected is perceiving any favouritism or victimisation being demonstrated by management or influential colleagues.
7. Show kindness
Small kindnesses such as listening to a colleagues issues, being gracious when mistakes are made, or offering a helping hand when someone has a problem, all contribute to an atmosphere of respect and to building a culture of mutual respect.
8. Refrain from nit-picking or insults
Unlike banter - which should be focussed on harmless humour (see my earlier post for thoughts on banter in the workplace) - nit-picking, gossip or hurtful insults is widely received as being disrespectful and will inevitably damage efforts made to develop a positive and productive workplace.
9. Be reliable
Showing that your priorities are in the right place and that you are considerate of other people’s time and commitments create a feeling of respect and dependability.
10. Refrain from micro-managing
Micro-managing demonstrates that you cannot trust someone to do what a task without your involvement. If someone has the skill and ability to do the job, micro-managing them unnecessarily will lead to feelings of defensiveness based on a lack of recognition for what they can do.

The saying ‘respect is earned’ is widely used but can be particularly unhelpful when used as a standard for how you interact with people. Though it may take time to appreciate certain qualities in a person that make you feel respect for them, if you want to have a positive influence on your social circle, have healthy relationships with people and you want to avoid unnecessary conflict, it works best to treat everyone with respect, whether you feel respect for them or not .

If you are dealing with, or are part of, a dispute in the workplace and you have any questions about how mediation might be able to resolve the conflict in a fair, respectful and mutually beneficial way, please get in touch via the Contact page or by emailing emma.jenkings@mosaicmediation.co.uk .