He said, she said
Gossip. Paradoxically, though gossip may at one time feel like a friendship-deepening, innocent thing, at another time it may feel devious and threatening. The reality is that much of the time, gossip is negative and will cause damage to relationships – for those at the heart of the issue and anyone caught up in the conversations. Just as where you find a rose, you will find thorns; when you hear gossip, you will find conflict.
Well-placed workplace banter is generally harmless, yet it is highly likely that all workplace gossip will instigate tension or conflict on some level. One distinction is that motivation behind banter is to create an environment of mutually deprecating humour. Gossip, on the other hand, is often motivated by gaining attention or showing moral distinctions between ‘them and us’. Gossip is also most likely to occur when the person or persons being discussed are not there, whereas banter is directed at the person when they are present.
Earl Wilson says, “Gossip… hearing something you like about someone you don’t.”
In other words, it is enjoying hearing something about a person when the information is likely to lower other people’s opinion of them. The irony is that where one person attempts to sling mud at someone else, much of the mud ends up sticking to them. People soon learn not to trust a gossip.
The common assumption is that gossip is a predominantly female habit. However, the conclusions drawn from research over the years suggest that gossip is without gender-bias, although there may be a difference in the subject-matter. For men, gossip tends to be based around information, showing greater knowledge of a situation or about people’s achievements. Whereas, for women, gossip tends to be based upon social information about others.
In the workplace, gossip runs rife just as it does outside of work. The problem with workplace gossip is that it gets perpetuated by other people, quickly. It is often compared to the game of ‘Chinese Whispers’, where information gets added, edited or misconstrued as it is passed on. Even if the information were true – and most often gossip is assumption rather than fact – it is probably irrelevant or even completely inappropriate to share at work.
“Gossip dies when it enters the ears of the wise.” (Unknown)
Gossip can have a big impact on the following areas if left unchecked:
1. Employee engagement and turnover
– good employees are unlikely to stay in an organisation where gossip is unconstrained. Such a place does not instil a sense of security.
2. Morale issues
– When people are aware of gossip going on around them, it can cause a feeling of insecurity and defensiveness; therefore, leading to trust issues between colleagues.
3. Productivity levels
– Not only does office gossip take time away from working, it can damage any motivation to work as a team, which will negatively impact productivity. Gossip can also damage an employee’s self-confidence and thus create barriers to working through challenges.
4. Liability
– When gossip appears malicious and goes unchecked, there may be liability issues for those in management, for not doing enough to challenge and ultimately stop the behaviour.
Gossip spreads quickly and without restraint. It is perpetuated by others adding their own opinions, assumptions and predictions. Unfortunately, as the continually-edited version of the ‘information’ spreads, the opinions, assumptions and predictions become taken as factual. Very soon it is almost impossible to persuade people that the gossip is little more than fiction. Gossip once heard and believed, is difficult to unhear or disbelieve.
For some people, gossip can have unexpectedly damaging results. Workplace gossip can be related to assumptions about changes in the workplace or it can be very personal. It is commonplace for an employee’s relationships to be gossiped about, which can have huge consequences if statements or claims from others touch a sore spot at a difficult time in the relationship. Gossip about someone’s behaviour may also negatively affect the opinion of management and therefore, would be likely to impact a person’s career prospects if the information remains unchallenged.
Gossip left unchallenged is a catalyst for conflict.
Here are some ideas on how to tackle gossip in the workplace and therefore avoid unnecessary conflict:
1. Have a company policy on behaviour, including gossip.
• If the gossip is shown to be objectively unacceptable, it is easier to nip in the bud when it happens.
2. Address the perpetrator privately.
• Most people do not see their behaviour as damaging and may only correct it if they are told directly about the impact of their words and actions on the organisation.
3. Make it clear to all team members of the type of culture the organisation wants to encourage and discourage.
• When the whole team is on board with what is expected of them and why it is important, gossip is less likely to happen, or at least to be perpetuated.
4. Ensure management are modelling the behaviour they expect from staff.
• Management are not immune to being gossips themselves and if this behaviour goes without redress, it encourages others to behave likewise.
5. Train management in tackling conflict
• Management need to be given the skills and shown methods to deal with gossip, in a way that is respectful but still clear on what behaviours will not be tolerated.
6. Have open and honest communication
• Gossip flourishes when people know they aren’t getting all the information. For gossip regarding workplace change, so-called information should be challenged quickly, honestly and factually.
• Try to avoid leaving gaps in information shared that people naturally feel the need to fill with assumptions.
• Encourage feedback about changes, to avoid the inclination to gossip privately, rather than seeking to understand.
7. Encourage positive information-sharing.
• Organisations that inspire positive conversations, news and praise for good work, are likely to deter negative gossip.
“How would your life be different if…You walked away from gossip and verbal defamation? Let today be the day…You speak only the good you know of other people and encourage others to do the same.” Steve Maraboli, - (Speaker, author and behaviour scientist)
To conclude, it is natural for workplaces to have humour and well-placed banter. Gossip is also a seemingly natural behaviour for most people. Nevertheless, when gossip is left unchecked and unconstrained, conflict and disruption is inevitable.
If you are aware of a situation that could benefit from a neutral, third-party enabling the people involved to work through issues and find a way forward; or if you have any questions about how workplace mediation could make a difference to your organisation, please get in contact by emailing emma.jenkings@mosaicmediation.co.uk or through our Contact page.
