Un-Cloud Your Judgment

I remember clearly all the predictions that were made during the build-up to the 2012 Olympics. Almost everyone I spoke to thought that England was going to make a fool of itself, the opening ceremony would be a flop and we would barely win a medal. All those predictions ended up not happening and it was a roaring success!

With the FIFA World Cup 2018 upon us, the same jokes are being said about the England Team - not needing to pack much luggage as they wouldn’t be away for long, etc. This self-deprecating humour is an entrenched part of ‘Britishness’ and - particularly when it comes to sport - though it is said in jest, there is still an underlying hope for a better outcome.

A trait consistent amongst almost all nationalities is that we often subconsciously allow our previous experiences or expectations to cloud or influence our judgment – specifically, our opinions about other people. Numerous times a day we will make snap judgments about people based on small moments of observation. We tend to have an internal monologue which essentially makes an assessment about them, such as: what we think of their behaviour/appearance/personality or how they compare against our looks/intelligence/behaviour.

We do this with total strangers and also with people we know, socially and professionally. Largely, we will be making such judgments without realising, although, sometimes people will proactively make a judgment call about a person, particularly if they think of themselves as a ‘good judge of character’. Unfortunately, almost without exception, such judgments are based on very limited information about a person – often, it’s during a first impression, where they have a personal objective for building their opinion or from only seeing them under specific circumstances, like only in the workplace. How we think about a person inevitably influences how we interact with them and perceive any further behaviours. Accordingly, it’s important to not make inaccurate snap judgments.

“Surprises are everywhere in life. And they usually come from misjudging people for being less than they appear.” ― Brownell Landrum, author.

Sometimes, we may spot something which seems like a ‘red flag’. Occasionally our judgment is based on tangible behaviour which causes hurt or broken trust to ourselves or others. The situations that are likely to cause the longest lasting damage are when we get disappointed or our expectations are not met. In these cases, it may be prudent to proceed with caution.

However, so often, though mistakes or behaviours may happen again, it is also prudent to not proceed with the certain expectation of disappointment or bad behaviour. By doing so, we allow previous negative experiences to influence not just how we perceive someone but how we interact with them, which can be like a self-fulfilling prophecy .

As human beings we are inclined to remember others faults more prominently and yet hope that others forget our mistakes almost instantly. I often hear people saying, “I am only human, and humans make mistakes” when they have erred hoping for immediate forgiveness and a second chance, but will then say about others who have wronged them that their actions are ‘completely unforgiveable’ or “a leopard can’t change its spots”.

In the words of Stephen M.R. Covey, we tend to ‘judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behaviour’ . Simply put, we often minimise our actions and explain them away with how good our intentions were, yet at the same time dismissing the relevance or importance of another person’s intentions when they hurt us, instead focussing solely on their actions and the repercussions.

Clouded judgment about individuals can have very negative results, for example:

• It influences your behaviour – when you believe someone is unforgiveable, incompetent, a liar or untrustworthy it colours your feelings and therefore how you interact with them.
  • Even if it becomes apparent that you were initially incorrect in your judgment, most people would struggle to see or admit this and then change their own behaviour.
  • It damages exisiting relationships or potential relationships – with those who you judge and with those around you who hear or see your judgment of other people.
• It creates division – particularly if judgments about people are voiced. Though it may serve to justify how you react around that person, it will also influence how other people act or feel towards them.
  • With such judgments even if they later appear to be unfounded, the damage to a relationship is then very difficult to undo.
  • As a mediator, I am often required to challenge pre-existing – and sometimes baseless - perceptions a person has about the other individual, which have affected how they acted and contributed largely towards the conflict between them.
• It is a distraction to a potentially positive work or social life – negative thoughts about other people take up space in your mind which could be otherwise occupied and will eventually impact your own emotional wellbeing if left unresolved.
• It prevents forward-thinking – holding onto bad feelings about previous situations or resentment towards individuals can make it difficult to make positive forward steps to rebuilding a relationship or allowing for the potential that there might be a different and more successful outcome.

It is practically impossible to go into a situation or have someone in mind without having made some form of judgment. The key is to be aware of what influences your perception and whether your judgment is based on reality or whether it has been clouded by other influencers.

Here are some tips on how to un-cloud your judgment:

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” Leo Buscaglia, author.

Life is complicated enough without having clouded judgments about a person or situation, which is likely to lead to unnecessary frustration, resentment and conflict. If there is a situation in your workplace which may have resulted from clouded judgments, or if there is any kind of conflict or situation which may benefit from the input of a neutral third party, please get in contact by emailing emma.jenkings@mosaicmediation.co.uk or get in touch via the Contact page .